The Crimes You've Forgotten

Everybody with a computer is guilty of Googling their name.

(Tangent: Googling is accepted as a word on Blogger, and google can be found on dictionary.com.  Be careful though, as google cannot be played in Scrabble.  Some controversy over the word: 

The verb to google (also spelled to Google) refers to using theGoogle search engine to obtain information on the Web. Aneologism arising from the popularity and dominance of theeponymous search engine, the American Dialect Society chose it as the "most useful word of 2002." It was officially added to theOxford English Dictionary on June 15, 2006, and to the 11th edition of the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary in July 2006. The first recorded usage of google used as a verb was on July 8, 1998, by Larry Page himself, who wrote on a mailing list: "Have fun and keep googling!

Fearing the dilution and potential loss of its trademark, Google has attempted to discourage use of the word as a verb, particularly when used as a synonym for general web searching. In February 23, 2003, the company sent a cease and desist letter to Paul McFedries, creator of Word Spy, a website that tracks neologisms. In an article in the Washington Post, Frank Ahrens discussed the letter he received from a Google lawyer that demonstrated "appropriate" and "inappropriate" ways to use the verb "google". It was reported that, in response to this concern, lexicographers for the Merriam Webster Collegiate Dictionary lowercased the actual entry for the word, google, while maintaining the capitalization of the search engine in their definition, "to use the Google search engine to seek online information" (a concern which did not deter the Oxford editors from preserving the history of both "cases"). InOctober 25, 2006, Google sent a plea to the public requesting that "you should please only use 'Google' when you’re actually referring to Google Inc. and our services.

Wow.  Tangent complete.)

So I searched my name tonight and found this article, where I beat up my sister.

Man assaults sister, spits on officer

Copyright © 2008
Gallup Independent
By Phil Stake
Staff writer

GALLUP — Dustin Sherman, 21, was arrested Nov. 7 for allegedly battering his sister then spitting in a police officer’s face.

According to arresting officer Sgt. Francie Martinez’s report, Dustin Sherman let himself inside Savannah Sherman’s apartment around 1 p.m. and began blaring music loudly in a back bedroom. When Savannah Sherman came home with her friend, Jared Howe, Dustin Sherman grew belligerent, eventually shoving his sister. Jared Howe intervened and Dustin Sherman clumsily swung at Howe, hitting his shoulder.

Savannah Sherman and Jared Howe left Dustin Sherman inside the apartment while they went to meet with police in the parking lot. When police entered the apartment, they found Dustin Sherman with blood-shot, watery eyes. He was unable to maintain his balance. They took him into custody for criminal trespassing and battery on a household member.

After walking Dustin Sherman to the cruiser, Martinez patted Dustin Sherman for weapons, at which point Sherman allegedly turned and spat in the face of backup Officer Ryan Blackgoat, then spouted obscenities at both officers.

Martinez pulled Sherman’s shirt over his head to prevent more spitting.

Dustin Sherman was eventually booked on the additional charge of battery upon a peace officer.

I realize I'm not the only Dustin Sherman out there, but the weirdest thing about this article is how the criminal is always referred to as "Dustin Sherman."  There are two instances where he is called "Sherman" and never just "Dustin."  It's almost like someone was doing a Mad Libs and filled in me for "name of person in room."  I attribute the clunky nature to staff writer, Phil Stake.  Phil Stake is still afraid of the dark.  Phil Stake ate a whole cherry pie without offering anyone else a piece.  Phil Stake should be fired.