Friday, March 13, 2009

Role-Playing (Part One)

I used to have my AIM screen name on my MySpace page.  Not anymore.  Why?  'Cause this kind of stuff would happen.  Although looking back, this is pretty hilarious, so maybe I should put it up again.

Here's a little background and then we'll get right into it.  This was an AIM conversation I had with a stranger on December 9, 2007.  She wanted to sexually role-play, so I decided I'd try to keep it as far away from sex as possible.  The only things that have been changed are spelling mistakes (for an easier read) and the names (to protect the innocent).

her (6:35:55 PM): do you want to role play i will do most of it?

me (6:36:22 PM): i did not even receive your picture

her (6:36:34 PM): I know

her (6:36:39 PM):  i will try again shortly

her (6:36:51 PM): i'm doing a few things with my camera right now

her (6:44:53 PM): well

her (6:45:02 PM): do you want to role play i will do most of it?

me (6:46:37 PM): um, i suppose, im kind of busy

her (6:47:46 PM): lets say we are co-workers and i'm at my desk and you walk over to me and you

me (6:55:11 PM): i'm at your desk

her (6:55:20 PM): and

me (6:56:37 PM): where do we work

her (6:56:43 PM): a school

me (6:57:17 PM): i say, miss _____, perhaps we could not talk in front of the students

her (6:57:28 PM): ok

her (6:57:36 PM): i say do u want to set up a meeting

me (7:01:46 PM): yes

her (7:01:56 PM): what is the best for you

her (7:03:30 PM): how about 5pm tonight at the Olive Garden

me (7:05:38 PM): ok, they have good breadsticks

her (7:05:43 PM): i know

her (7:05:47 PM): i will meet you there

her (7:05:52 PM): and its almost 5pm and you

me (7:06:09 PM): drive to olive garden

her (7:06:43 PM): i'm waiting outside on a bench and you walk over to me and i have a buzzer in my hand waiting for our table and you

me (7:07:09 PM): say how long is the wait

her (7:07:15 PM): 10-15 minutes

me (7:07:29 PM): oh, thats not long at all

her (7:07:42 PM): you sit down on the bench next to me and you

me (7:07:57 PM): ask how your day was

her (7:08:09 PM): it was alright

me (7:08:22 PM): yeah, same here

her (7:08:35 PM): you move closer to me

her (7:08:38 PM): and you

me (7:08:55 PM): reach for the buzzer

her (7:09:01 PM): why

me (7:11:24 PM): cause it's gonna buzz

her (7:12:45 PM): and it doesn't and you

me (7:13:14 PM): say i guess our tables not ready yet

her (7:13:21 PM): i guess not and you

me (7:14:06 PM): say i'm really hungry

her (7:14:23 PM): same here and then it goes off and we are at the table and we get the breadsticks and you

me (7:15:22 PM): offer you one first cause im a gentleman

her (7:17:00 PM): thank you

me (7:17:58 PM): then i get one for me and i get butter on my hand

her (7:18:21 PM):  i start crying and you

me (7:19:54 PM): ask why youre crying, we're at the most wonderful place on earth

her (7:20:50 PM): because i dont know how to thank you for this beautiful night

me (7:21:45 PM): it's truly no problem, honestly, i couldve taken you to a real italian place

her (7:21:56 PM): what do you mean?

me (7:22:59 PM): i mean olive garden is a chain

me (7:23:16 PM): we probably wouldve had to wait longer at another place though

her (7:23:23 PM): oh ok

me (7:23:34 PM): and the pasta bowl is never ending so we can stay as long as we like

her (7:23:56 PM): and you notice my bra straps are showing and you

me (7:25:33 PM): pretend i dont notice

her (7:25:46 PM): and i look away and you notice and you

me (7:27:35 PM): check to see if my underwear is showing

her (7:27:50 PM): and you see that also and i move closer to you and you

me (7:28:49 PM): ask if you want to sit on my side of the booth

her (7:29:07 PM): i will sit wherever you me me to sit

her (7:29:38 PM): our booth is ready and we get to the booth and its a circular shape and we are both in the very middle of the booth and you

me (7:31:32 PM): ask where the bathroom is

her (7:31:46 PM): they point you towards the bathroom and you

me (7:32:29 PM): say excuse me for a bit, i have to use the restroom to wash the butter off my hands

her (7:32:45 PM): you get to the restroom and you

me (7:33:46 PM): wash the butter off my hands and

me (7:33:55 PM): realize i need to pee

her (7:34:14 PM): and then you notice a flower shop next door when you come out of the bathroom and you

me (7:35:09 PM): realize i forgot to wash my hands and go back in the bathroom

her (7:35:33 PM): and you come back and i'm eating a breadstick and you

me (7:36:04 PM): say, oh, i thought we we're gonna split those evenly

me (7:36:23 PM): and theres a flower shop next door, remind me to stop there on the way out, my aunt just died

her (7:36:49 PM): im so sorry and i let you lean against me and you

me (7:38:12 PM): oblige, but still a little angry about the breadsticks, and ask if you'll ask for more

her (7:38:33 PM): of course and then i feed you the one i started and you

me (7:39:16 PM): chew it up and swallow it, and then i start crying because my aunt used to feed me like that

her (7:39:56 PM): i wrap my arms around you and i say do you want  to just have a few drinks and head out or its up to you

me (7:40:47 PM): and i tell you no, i came here for spaghetti so i'm gonna eat spaghetti, and i dont drink, but will enjoy a cranberry lemonade

her (7:41:33 PM): and we finish our meal and we head to the flower shop and then we head to the funeral home for your aunts wake and you

me (7:43:14 PM): say, everybody, this is ____, my co-worker at the school, she teaches the retarded kids

her (7:43:39 PM): someone asks you privately if she is your girlfriend

me (7:44:13 PM): i say, well, we went on our first date tonight, so no, but perhaps eventually

her (7:44:35 PM): and i go up to say a prayer and you

me (7:45:19 PM): respect your prayer, so i look away

her (7:45:35 PM): and i finish my prayer and move towards you and you

me (7:47:39 PM): say i think my famiy wants me to be here, but i dont think i can look at her corpse much longer

me (7:47:47 PM): do you want to leave

her (7:47:55 PM): its up to you

me (7:48:17 PM): i tell everyone im going to take you home, so the blame is sort of on you

me (7:48:25 PM): and we get outside

her (7:48:43 PM): and i say i'm going to drive and i take the keys from you and you

me (7:49:06 PM): ask why

her (7:49:24 PM): because i don't want you crying like this while driving

me (7:49:46 PM): i thank you, and stop crying because im terrified when someone else drives

her (7:50:09 PM): we are in the car and i buckle up and i start the car and you

“her” is away from the computer as of 7:51:37 PM.

me (7:52:13 PM): ask why you went away

“her” is back at the computer as of 7:52:20 PM.

her (7:52:31 PM): sorry im back

her (7:52:37 PM): we are in the car and you

me (7:52:46 PM): ask where we're going

her (7:52:52 PM): anywhere you want to go

me (7:53:23 PM): i need some gas, let's stop for gas

her (7:53:35 PM): i'm driving my car it has gas

me (7:53:45 PM): why did i have your keys

her (7:54:02 PM): because you drove to the funeral home because i didn't know how to get there

me (7:54:09 PM): ok

me (7:54:39 PM): so we should probably go to olive garden parking lot to get my car?  unless that is you wanna go somewhere else

her (7:54:49 PM): its up to you

her (7:54:57 PM): do you need a friend to lean on

her (7:55:36 PM): i take you to my apartment and we go inside and you

me (7:56:01 PM): ask where you bathroom is so i can make my face not look like ive been crying

her (7:56:21 PM): its right upstairs can i help you freshen up

me (7:56:42 PM): i dont know, do you have a myspace profile i can look at

her (7:56:52 PM): *i will brb i have to go do somethings around my house for real*

her (7:56:54 PM): NO

NOTE: Boring part removed where she left, and then unsuccessfully attempted to send a photo.

her (8:24:50 PM): can we cont. the role play

her (8:25:02 PM): we are at my apartment and we are in the living room and you

me (8:25:22 PM): say thats a nice african mask you have on the wall

her (8:25:39 PM): thank you

her (8:25:48 PM): and we are on the couch and you

me (8:26:18 PM): ask if i can tell you a secret

her (8:26:23 PM): sure

me (8:26:40 PM): i was molested by my uncle as a little boy

me (8:26:58 PM): and now that his wife is dead, i dont know what to do

her (8:27:40 PM): you should report this to the police

me (8:28:37 PM): but he's old, and now he's lost his wife, plus im afraid

her (8:29:14 PM): you need to report this

me (8:30:28 PM): im too embarrassed

me (8:30:42 PM): can we not talk about it anymore, i just had to tell you

her (8:30:48 PM): of course

her (8:31:10 PM): we are on my living room couch and you move closer to me and my blouse is unbuttoned and you

me (8:31:57 PM): tell you your blouse is unbuttoned

her (8:32:07 PM): i say do u like it

me (8:32:31 PM): yes, it's a very lovely blouse, but the buttons are sub-par

her (8:32:54 PM): we are in each others arms and you

me (8:33:46 PM): ask you if you would like to dance

her (8:33:53 PM): sure

me (8:34:03 PM): what music do you have

her (8:34:14 PM): you walk over to the music cds and you

her (8:36:20 PM): well

me (8:36:34 PM): im still deciding between megadeth and slayer

me (8:36:41 PM): slayer

me (8:36:49 PM): i put the cd in

her (8:36:53 PM): and

me (8:38:22 PM): press play

her (8:38:36 PM): and i'm on the couch still and you

me (8:39:18 PM): say get up off your ass, slayer is on

her (8:39:35 PM):  i say i thought you were going to help me up

me (8:39:53 PM): ok, i try

me (8:40:06 PM): but you're too heavy

her (8:40:43 PM): we are on our feet and you

me (8:40:55 PM): slamdance

her (8:41:02 PM): keep going

me (8:41:23 PM): im headbanging, my hair is flying all around

her (8:42:31 PM): keep going

me (8:42:52 PM): the song ends, im out of breath

her (8:44:04 PM): keep going

me (8:44:37 PM): i ask if you have some water

her (8:45:10 PM): of course i get you some water and you

me (8:45:35 PM): drink it, spilling some on my shirt

me (8:45:48 PM): i say, oh, what a silly goose i am!

her (8:46:03 PM): don't worry about it

her (8:46:09 PM): and i unbutton your shirt and you

me (8:46:32 PM): wonder how you did that because my shirt doesnt have buttons

her (8:46:52 PM): pretend it did

me (8:47:51 PM): ok

her (8:47:57 PM): keep going

me (8:49:12 PM): so im standing there, in my white t-shirt

me (8:49:14 PM): and you

her (8:49:26 PM): are you comfortable yet

me (8:49:50 PM): aside from my colon polyps, i would say yes

her (8:50:39 PM): and i reach for a kiss and you

me (8:51:51 PM): say whoa, are we taking this too fast?

her (8:51:58 PM): no

me (8:52:44 PM): ok, i just wanted to be sure

me (8:53:07 PM): so i say, can i ask you a favor?

her (8:53:15 PM): sure

me (8:53:28 PM): i want to have my uncle that molested me killed, will you help me dispose of his body

her (8:54:07 PM): i want you to take him to court first

me (8:54:14 PM): ok, but after?

her (8:55:38 PM): we will see

me (8:56:10 PM): ok

her (8:56:28 PM): we are on the couch still getting comfortable and you

me (8:56:44 PM): ask if you can make me some popcorn

her (8:56:57 PM): of course

her (8:57:41 PM): i'm making the popcorn and you

me (8:58:09 PM): notice my white shirt has armpit stains

me (9:00:14 PM): and realize that it's because i bought the wrong deodorant... again!

her (9:00:24 PM): i gtg

me (9:00:33 PM): oh, why

“her” signed off at 9:00:46 PM.

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