Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Le Pays Des Enfants, Deux


Previously on Kid Nation... Oh, wow.  I didn't know the laborer group has to clean the outhouses.  It's Day 5 in Kid Nation and there are 18 chickens, which are actually laying eggs.  Emilie, 9, is a fat little girl who breaks mustangs, or so she claims.  More like chairs.  The book in the chapel suggests the kids kill the chickens for food.  Laurel appears to have a cold sore.  Mike just said, "I think it's about time we had some fresh meat."  The kids have been there five days!  "We're not gonna live here for forty days and survive without protein in our body!" exclaims Taylor.  Greg says he has butchered cattle and lambs.  Let's put it to a vote.  "Who wants to kill chicken?"  Chicken it is!  

Part Chicken

Emilie threatens to leave if they kill a chicken.  You can't be that fat and be a vegetarian.  "Are they going to hang them like they did Saddam Hussein?"  Emilie has tied herself up in the chicken coop.  "We can't survive off of peaches, apples, and starch."  They have cans of beans and they're complaining about protein.  Haha, these kids are ridiculous.  Looks like Emilie lost.  A warning that this scene might be disturbing for children.  How ironic.  They are putting a chicken's head near a stump.  Oh, shit!  That's some Willy Wonka tunnel shit!  The bird is still flapping its wings.  Wait, two chickens?  Jared is freaking me out, yelling strange warlock chants as he holds the corpses.  The black girl loves drumsticks.  Greg is playing with the chicken feet.  Emilie is sad, and the kids eat dinner.  It's cold and the laundry is frozen.  What kid washes his clothes after 5 days?  Better yet, what parent kicks their kid out of the house that does their laundry every 5 days?  Taylor is not cooking even though she's a cook and a leader.  The water pump is frozen, so they suggest conserving water.  Why don't they try pouring hot water in it to unfreeze it?  Ah, they're gonna use their tiny, childlike brains and do just that.  They have water again, and Michael is a candidate for gold star and the San Francisco Board of Supervisors.

You can't see this on YouTube, but the sun just came out, and so did Karsh.  The kids are going to get a chance to compete to change their class positions.  Who knew Kid Nation would be set up under India's caste system?  And why hasn't Anjay, who loves Gandhi, done anything about this?  What?!?  A 45-foot waterslide!  The kids will get it to keep in the town if they can run pipes through a bunch of obstacles.  The catch?  Karsh is gonna turn the water on at the start.  This is not very interesting because it doesn't look very hard.  And why do all the challenges involve pumping water?  Why can't the prize be a sink?  I'd just end up washing my hands in the waterslide.  Oh, shit.  How do these kids bathe?  You give your kid away for 40 days and then they come back reeking?  What a deal!  Blue district wins the upper class position.  The black kid's name is DK, which makes me think his real name is Donkey Kong.  Red comes in second.  The little kid Yellow team will remain cooks, and green loses again.  They have one minute to finish so the town can get a waterslide.  Four seconds!  It's over.  Green fucking blew it for the whole town.  Karsh: "I'm sorry, you guys.  Green, you were so close!"  The kids are hugging now, but I don't think many of them will get to eat tonight.  Michael says that Ethiopia would be worse than this.  He's probably right, but probably not by much.  And what was the surprise they didn't get?  Water pumps for the whole town designed never to freeze!  Jesus, I am a genius.  This show is getting a little predictable.  A kid needs to die to shake things up a bit.

It's Day 7, making Kid Nation a week old.  So far, they're a step ahead of Jamestown.  Taylor is a stuck-up little bitch.  "Pageant girls use dishwashers."  Greg is working hard scrubbing dishes because he wants a gold star, although he claims he wants the town to succeed.  If these kids to make a successful town, it's not like they can continue to live there, can they?  That might be cool.  Come to think of it, I think all these children are orphans.  Two girls have started a pet daycare, but they're not watching the chickens or goats.  They're watching other kids' stuffed animals.  These kids have their priorities all out of whack.  They want Emilie to get away from the chickens.  Colton just said he'd pull her out and hang her by her toenails.  That's a little harsh.  Greg is helping out the whole town, but Mike has a grudge against him.  Michael fetches water and gives inspiring speeches.  "Water's one of the most important things in this town."  That and stuffed animals.  Who will win the gold star: Greg or Michael?  Sophia hates the council, even though they gave her $20,000.  Taylor said everyone is gonna have to starve because little kids can't cook.  Aren't these the same little kids who prepared such delicious grits in episode one?  "You guys all have the potential, so don't blame your age, please," pleads Michael.  Cheers!  Will fat Emilie go home or stay with the chicken-killing society of Kid Nation?  She stays.  Harvey Milk wins the star!  "All of you have the potential."  He's gonna give the money to his parents?  This kid isn't smart; he's insane.  Let's check in on his phone call.  They don't pick up!?!  Psych, his mom sounds like Mary Steenburgen, but looks like a horse.  Not her face; she just appears to have a mane.  Greg is pissed.  "I did a hell of a lot more work than Michael did.  And I'm gonna do something about it."  So he's Dan White.

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